Tales of a College Girl

introvert/extrovert

When I was younger, my mother dressed my sister and me up for Halloween as Laura and Mary from the Little House on the Prairie. I was of course, being the younger, Laura. And if you’ve read the books I can say I was pretty much like Laura in every way besides wanting to do what the boys did. I am not a tomboy, but am much more extroverted than my older sister. 

This leads me to what I wanted to talk about. Since going to college and being forced through very awkward social situations many times in such a short number of years, I can safely say I do not feel like such an extrovert anymore. I love being alone, because it means I can do things like watch the youtube videos I’m subscribed to, catch up on the massive amount of celebrity gossip I read each day, and troll Facebook like everyone else out there. But I love people. I love the energy it gives me to be in a room with others. I LIKE giving public speeches because it means not only do I get to talk, but people enjoy listening to me. I get to talk to people, I get to share my opinions and most importantly, I feel appreciated.

See here’s the thing. I will only truly open up when I feel confident. If I have any doubt whatsoever that I am being judged, that I’m not good enough or that what I’m saying isn’t correct, I won’t say it at all. I realize this is a silly thing, but it comes from the numerous accounts of my large mouth opening when it shouldn’t have. So now it stays closed. I would love to live a life where I could shine like I know I can, out in public. But if nobody supports me, it will never happen. And I realize I should believe in myself, as we are all taught this. But at some point it’s nice to know others believe in you as well. 

So back to my title, I wouldn’t say I’m either, I believe I’m a bit of both. 

Isn’t it strange knowing all those famous people you follow on twitter are just out there living their normal lives and then *pop* they jump into yours with a tweet? I like that.

The Opposite of Loneliness

I can’t stop thinking about the recent Yale graduate who died, Marina Keegan. She was so young, two years older than I am today. Her piece on what lies ahead after college graduation really set with me - it’s so true. You are only two decades old when you walk across the stage, and there people are telling you your free life is over, your decisions have been made and now you must make something of what you have learned. But it’s not over! Hopefully you will grow to be eight, maybe even nine decades old! How is what you’ve learned after two enough to keep you going for seven more? 

The fact that Marina had thought about this, how she knew what she would do after college was just the beginning of her dream, is the saddest part for me. Unlike those around her, she had aspirations and hopes for whatever was to come. She wasn’t making a master plan, she was following her passion and passing up lucrative opportunities to work in other fields in order to do what she so loved, and was so talented at. And then she died. Before she could show the world what came next, before she set out on her new adventure, the start of her third decade. Today we are left with her words, someone we never knew personally, to use in our lives. Perhaps this is what she was here to do, to teach us all a little thing about life. Not only will her message stay with me for the next however-many decades, but her picture, the one posted on so many websites, will too. Because it’s not just about her words, but about her life as well. 

Read her article.

It has taken me an incredibly long time to realize my family growing up was not normal.

deans list!

it’s not so much that I got deans list, but that every time I do it helps raise my gpa back up from my freshman year. so I’m still doing a happy dance.